The Starbucks Crowd

As a frequent patron of my local Starbucks, I've noticed a particular pattern of the different groups of people that hang out there. I should begin by saying that I have been to many Starbucks in my time, and there's just something about the one by my house, something that attracts an odd amalgamation of men.

I have created a guide to identifying the different types of dudes that hang out at my local Starbucks. (And I hope none of them ever reads this).



The first group of guys is the punk rock dudes. They were the guys at my high school that were in Stage Tech class, always hung out near the trash cans or behind buildings, and of course dressed like punk rockerzzz. Hardcore!

You can spot them in the Starbucks parking lot (making only occasional appearances in the store itself). On any given night of the week you'll see them standing around the parking lot smoking and talking, from about mid-evening to past midnight.

I don't know what's so fun and awesome about the Starbucks parking lot, but they hang out there for HOURS. I sometimes wonder if they will one day join the ranks of the Miscellaneous Middle-Aged Men (see below).



The next group isn't really a group, but rather a single old man. He sit's alone, usually outside, and never seems to talk to anyone. He also never blinks or smiles. He just sits and stares. It's creepy.

You'll usually see him in the late morning or afternoon. Staring. Just STARING.



The final group is a sort of mixed bag that I am calling Miscellaneous Middle-Aged Men. They are all Middle-Aged Men from different walks of life, whose only connection to one another seems to be that they enjoy hanging out at Starbucks. The group of unlikely pals includes, but is not limited to the following.

They aren't particularly creepy or weird in and of themselves. The peculiar thing is that at least one of them is just always there, no matter what time of day or night you go. It's like they don't have jobs, or they have all agreed to sit at the outdoor Starbucks tables in shifts.

And there you have it. The Starbucks Crowd, of which I am a member. Somewhere one of the other regulars is drawing a caricature of me with the caption: weird tall girl.